Observations of a Misfit

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September 27, 2007

You're Never Too Old to Learn

My latest kick for the past several months has been reading “relationship” books; some popular and familiar ones like He’s Just Not That Into You and Why Men Marry Bitches, along with more obscure eBooks and dating sites. Those of you who were tired of my 9/11 obsession may be relieved at this development.

For the readers familiar with my romantic history, that reads like a Russian novel, you know that I have chosen poorly in the past and paid some rather serious consequences. Obviously, my instincts were skewed by unfinished business or various shades of denial; thus, I was determined to learn all I could about what makes men tick, how they think, and what women can do to create a great romance despite the cultural and psychological impediments to healthy relationships. I am happy to report that I learned a lot from all the books and feel as though I finally have a handle on this thing called love.

Perhaps I still have a broken compass, but at least I can see the handwriting on the wall a bit sooner and adjust my modus operandi or recognize the problems before they become insurmountable. Perhaps I can seek to understand the male point of view instead of always focusing on my needs, feelings and opinions. It’s a challenge, but it’s all part of the learning curve. Some of what I’ve learned about myself has been painful, albeit very, very useful. It is in romantic relationships that the best of us and worst of us emerges.

When I read some of the reviews on Amazon of He’s Just Not That Into You, I was not impressed with the flavor of the book as described. However, I decided to read it anyway and was thoroughly amused by it. I laughed, I nodded my head in agreement, I enjoyed the male writer (Greg) of the duo who wrote it, and while it seemed to be stating the obvious (such as, if a guy doesn’t call you, hello, he’s not interested in you), it provided an interesting window into the young male mind. This book is written for a younger audience, women in their 20s and 30s, but it had relevant advice for, errr… more mature gals, too.

Why Men Marry Bitches is definitely written for the woman who wants to secure a commitment from her boyfriend. Since I’m a Platinum Card Carrying Commitment-Phobe, I skimmed over the strategies concerning how to get your man to propose; however, there is excellent advice about self-esteem, training your partner how to treat you, building your life apart from your relationship, and loving who you are regardless of whether or not your relationship is “fulfilling.” I believe most women, present company included, are taught to rely too much on other people’s approval to feel good about who we are. This is bunk, of course. We must love ourselves first and foremost, and then we can safely love others without the codependent calamities of existential expectations.